POV: You Answer To Literally No One - Or Nothing - In Your Life

As children, many of us have dreamed about the alluring prospect of living without any rules or restrictions, for those who've had to live with them set by any present caregivers, anyway. If you've wished you've had things like no curfews, unrestricted dietary choices, and unfettered access to entertainment, you most likely understand. For most of us who had guidance in our youth, the desire to rebel against the established norms and parental guidance can feel like a natural and necessary step towards independence. We yearn for the autonomy to make our own decisions and to explore the world without the watchful eye of authority figures. If you have actually had those things, however, then you've most likely compared your "awesome and grown up" childhood to everyone else who didn't have your freedom. Whatever the case, no matter how you look at it, the reality is that not everybody in the world is able to make constructive use of that unfettered freedom.

For the vast majority of people, the appeal of a life without any accountability or structure does spike initially once we dip our toes in it, but often fades gradually. It quickly gives way to a sense of aimlessness and apathy. There is a logical explanation for this besides the simplistic view that "they're just lazy and make poor choices". This is because most people are conditioned to some form of guiding framework of rules and responsibilities from the day they are born, whether it be religious or just practical common sense, however that is defined. Because of this, they are more likely to find themselves overwhelmed by the sheer vastness of choices and opportunities available to them. They are more vulnerable to the effects of lack of a purposeful structure, which can include a state of mental stagnation, where the very freedom they once craved as children becomes a burden. With no clear direction or sense of purpose, they drift aimlessly, unable to muster the motivation to pursue their goals or fulfill their potential.

When no one or nothing holds them accountable for their actions, there's a higher chance of them becoming less inclined to take personal responsibility for their choices and the resulting consequences. Without this pressure, there is less motivation to put in the necessary effort and dedication required to achieve their personal goals or overcome challenges. The satisfaction and sense of accomplishment that often comes from this is frequently rooted in parents or caregivers or villages or entire societies (really a combination of all these factors) instilling in them values like hard work, perseverance, and commitment. And from those values, people believe in investing the hard work and discipline to accomplish their goals. Without it, they may be less inclined to make that investment.

The fact is that people can become easily complacent with total freedom. They can be less motivated to put in the time and energy required to reach their goals, especially when there are no true consequences for falling short. This can lead to a diminished sense of accomplishment, as they have not been required to push themselves to earn the satisfaction that comes with success.

Moreover, for the majority who are not used to doing everything completely by themselves, the lack of external validation that comes with not having to answer to anyone can be potentially isolating. This is due to the fact that in most cultures and social contexts, we often rely on external validation and feedback from others to support our personal and professional growth. So without that regular input and sense of belonging to a supportive network, feelings of isolation and loneliness start to creep in. And it can contribute to feelings of apathy and self-doubt. And it becomes harder to maintain motivation and confidence in ourselves. And there is a potential to be stuck in cycles of self-criticism and uncertainty about our abilities and decisions.

So what separates the majority who actually suffer due to this from the minority who don't suffer, other than the usual talk about resilience, or the capacity to adapt and bounce back from adversity?

One crucial factor is the level of self-regulation and self-discipline. Those who have developed strong self-regulatory skills, such as the ability to set and pursue their own goals without help, manage their time and resources effectively, and delay gratification, are more likely to flourish in the absence of external accountability. These individuals in the minority may have internalised the values and habits that were once instilled by caregivers, allowing them to maintain motivation and a sense of purpose even without external accountability.

Closely related to self-regulation is the concept of locus of control. It's about whether people believe they have control of their lives or not. And individuals with an internal locus of control generally believe that they have agency over their own lives and that their actions have direct influence on the outcomes they face. In contrast, those with an external locus of control attribute these outcomes to external factors, such as luck or the actions of others. Those who take responsibility for their choices and actively work towards their goals in the absence of external pressure are likely to have an internal locus of control.

Are you able to tolerate ambiguity and uncertainty? Those who are comfortable with the open-ended nature of a life without structure are better equipped to navigate the many choices and possibilities available to them. But it doesn't stop there. Environmental factors like upbringing can also contribute to their ability to navigate a life without structure. Those who have been exposed to a variety of experiences, encouraged to take initiative, and provided with a strong social network are more likely to have developed the necessary skills and resources to thrive in the absence of external guidance.

Going back to the point about children who had guidance and children who didn't, it's easy to assume that the latter group would have more issues with living without rules and guidance than the former. However, the distinction between those who thrive and those who struggle is actually not always clear-cut. It's not necessarily that the former has better skills than the latter, but rather that people in both groups have skills that can vary widely in strength. It's more complex than one thinks. Even some individuals who have had the benefit of guidance and structure in their upbringing can experience periods of difficulty or uncertainty when faced with the overwhelming freedom of a life without structure. Conversely, some individuals who didn't have that benefit may have the necessary skills and resources to navigate this challenge successfully.

So, is unbridled freedom the one true panacea that we as kids once imagined? For the majority, not really. It's really in the acceptance of structure and responsibility that we can unlock our true potential, if you strongly believe in them. Because the actual brutal facts are these: most people are not prepared to handle unbridled freedom because most people are conditioned to accept a certain level of structure and responsibility based on how they were raised, but some people in the minority are because they were able to not only have certain skills, but use them more efficiently than others.